It gets better or something

You know how some days are ok? The kind you bounce through. With music. And things that make you happy, like cupcakes or a long run along the lake.

Well, some days are totally not ok. No matter how hard you try to make them ok, you can't escape the crushing sadness, the sweeping waves of grief. And you find yourself somewhere you aren't sure you really wanted to be in the first place and you realize you aren't good at being there. And that you aren't the same kind of pretty as the other girls there. And that you don't remember what to say to make people laugh, can't remember what to do when a guy wants to buy you a drink. And then the sadness overtakes you. So you go home. But that's not really a good option. Then, you're all alone. and you have not avoided the sadness or the tears and suddenly, you find they overtake you, when you hear a song or remember what it was like when someone loved you for all the things that were wrong with you. And even though, you know you are better off, you can't stop crying. Can't stop feeling pathetic, Because he is not, most assuredly, sitting on his couch crying.

It's been 3 months. Why aren't I getting better at life? And I know I'm better than I was. But I'm tired of being a burden. Needing someone to console me. So I try to keep it all in. But some nights, like tonight, I just can't. This has to get easier, right? It has to get better.