Cheers

It's windy. I can see the little puffs of air swirling viciously through the trees; hear it trying to tear through my flue. Not unlike the wind the whirled my slightly shorter hair around my face, wet with rain and tears as I stood on the McClennan's back porch about a year ago one grey afternoon, suddenly realizing that my life as I knew it was crumbling all around me.

I made it through the wilderness, blah blah blah. No one loves to celebrate the accomplishment of having gotten through this whirlwind of a year more than me. No one loves to relish in how far I've come more than I do. But that's not what I'm thinking about today. I am reflecting on the year, of course; how could I not, with the birthday and bedrest and whatnot?

Today, I'm reminded subtly of crushing blows and spontaneous car rides, sleepovers on futons, showtunes, red lipstick, dancing, and more gin than anyone should ever drink. And Katy Perry and the Stanley Cup and hot chocolate spiked with Bailey's when it's snowy. I'm reminded that my life has gone on, in spite of certain unforeseen hiccups, and I'm thankfully nudged to remember that things never stop moving forward. I'm reminded to keep forgiving, myself and others.

But, tonight, I'm feeling that familiar breath of panic, the push toward being a little terrified about what happens next. Mostly because I've finally fallen head over heels for something closely related to a career. And because there are a few other things that I'd like to take a chance on. Things I'm not even sure I know where to begin when it comes to taking chances.

I'm worrying that my wanderlust will never be satisfied; that I might not ever see the Sphinx or the Eiffel Tower or the rest of the world. How do you see the world when you can barely pay your rent? Faith. Trust. Pixie Dust.

And I'm remembering that sometimes it's ok to just hold your breath, hope, and make wishes when you kiss the wall at 11:11 (Confession: I almost always pick the same wish when I wish on the wall, in wells, or on eyelashes.). Wishes help turn obstacles into popcicles.

Cheers to the year it's been and all of the things I've learned, loved, and become along the way. Here's to never forgetting to be a little terrified; it keeps you on your toes. And mostly, here's to wishes and dreams and never giving up on any of them, no matter how far out of reach they sometimes seem. Here's to happy; here's to love in every possible way. And, of course, here's to you.

Adieu, 23. Adieu.