Sleeping

It's 5 am.

I have been AWAKE since 4 am.

I cannot seem to fall asleep again. Again, something is making my brain, my pulse race race raccccccce since I jolted awake an hour ago.

And, so, here I am. In Auburn, Alabama; chilling in the bed that has been mine for so many years. Surrounded by my things, although they are in a different room, a different house.

Like usual, I'm wondering how to turn it off; the worry, the waiting, the wishing. How to make my mind sit by nicely as I take a ten day respite from the struggle against the cold, against the money I don't seem to ever have enough of, against the exhausted, burnt out feeling ofhavingheld multiple jobs for multiple years now.

I'm closing my laptop. I'm turning over and hoping for the best. I'm going to be calm and, damnit; I'm going to sleep. And sleep well. All wrapped up in this bed and its memories and an overwhelming amount of love and tiger stripes.

Goodnight.