Happiness

Happiness hit her like a train on a track...

I think maybe the Dog Days are Over.

Ok, maybe not over. But close to over. Coming to their finale, taking a bow. Maybe all of these months and days and seconds of being the most miserable human being that ever roamed the face of the planet are finally exploding into something beautiful and strange and new and excellent. Something so much better than anything I could have dreamed for the girl I used to be.

Perhaps this shaking out with a job and insurance and changes is some semblance of happy. I think perhaps this creeping excitement, the feeling that the world is my oyster, the desire to smile and say hello to everyone you pass on the street, everyone you sit next to on the bus.

I actually twirled down the street yesterday. Twirled. Seriously.

I'm not saying I'm there yet. But, a really long time ago, someone wrote something in his xanga to the effect of: She gets hurt, she breaks down, but then she pulls herself together and moves on. Because she's Ashley. (I paraphrase, of course. I'm not in the habit of seeking out things that will just make me horrifically depressed. Like xangas from times that I were certain the hardest I'd EVER face). And I think I'm there. I think this might be the start of the other end. The place where I get to be all smiles and cupcakes and rainbows and watermelon rings instead of a sobbing heap on the bedroom floor at the drop of a hat or the flick of an eyelash.

Anyway, here's to dreams that come true. And people that make you giggle in spite of yourself. And singing songs and twirling and blowing your breath out in puffs to see it in front of you in the freezing cold air. Here's to nights without nightmares and forgiving and moving on and loving and sharing smiles and beer and Impressionism and blasting Katy Perry as loudly as possible when no one is home. To believing in the fairy tale, even when it's not easy to see.

Most importantly, here's the finding happiness and strength in change and challenges and keeping your chin up the whole impossibly-hard way.

I remember; I think this is what happy feels like.