Last year, on New Year’s Eve, I laid on a bed, snuggled in sheets I could never afford, in a room I will never be able to afford, tipsy on free champagne I could never afford, collapsed with laughter with my partner in crime, Valerie. High on sparkling possibility, hair windswept from the river and red lipstick worn onto the rocks glasses of Vodka Tonic on the bedside table, we swore to things we would accomplish, promises we would not break for 2011.
We checked out late from our fairytale New Year’s Eve at the Trump Tower, returned promptly to real life in frozen Chicago, starting the new year on the highest of all possible notes – brunch from orange. We earned it after the amount of Ciroc consumed the night prior. We spent the evening sitting on MollieBrandonDavid’s floor, playing never have I ever. Not glamorous, but easily one of my favorite moments of the year. Still, it’s too bad every day can’t be chauffeured by a Bentley, accompanied by 8 course dinners and skyline views.
I’d like to say I accomplished everything on the list; that I lost 40 pounds, that I maintained thanking someone every day in my blog, that I figured out how to not procrastinate in my last quarters of grad school, that 2011 was a breeze. It was not easy by any stretch of the imagination. On a New Year's Eve that will honestly probably never be matched for the rest of my life, Val and I swore to a rule of 4. I won’t tell you what those were; they are super secret and only known by the Donald himself.
What I will tell you is that I accomplished infinitely more than the wide-eyed girl with the red lipstick could possibly have imagined.
I finished grad school, I acquired a big girl job, I survived the worst not quite big girl job on record. I fell in love, I ran, I danced, I sipped too much gin. I fell in love with someone who tolerates the fleecy polka dotted pajamas and thinks it’s adorable when I laugh without my mouth moving. I traveled, I figured out being by myself, I moved on.
Things have settled into a glorious calm. I drink more seltzer than gin and tonic. I make asparagus and salmon and enjoy coffee breaks in my office. I realized how fortunate it is to be able to see your best friend from elementary school do stand up, following her dreams or to sleep on the person’s futon whose known you forever or to sleep on a friendly floor after spending hours wandering and exploring and finding new magic in someone else’s city. I realized it’s ok to be homesick, to cry to your mom on the phone, to flee instead of fight every single battle. I realized how thankful I am that Taylor Swift convinced me to keep believing in fairy-tale-breathless-romance. That I figured out how to keep the stars in my eyes.
Maybe I still don’t know what I want to do in ten years, maybe I don’t know how I’m ever going to manage to save enough money to go to Paris, maybe I don’t know when I want to get married or how many children I want to have or in what increments or if I want to get my PhD.
But I do know, after fighting battles and problems and pickpockets and broken hearts, who I am today, what I want for breakfast tomorrow. I know that it’s impossible to show the amount of gratitude I feel for where my path has brought me, but that a thank you note is always the best way to start. I know that anything is easier when you have someone there to hold your hand. I know that I’m never going to stop trying to go everywhere, trying to do everything, and why would I want to? I swear that sometimes when I wake up for my 7 AM meeting, while I’m drinking my intentionally tepid coffee and sunlight is spilling into my dining nook office and I can hear the softly muffled snores of my roommates, I know I’m ready to take over the world, one comma, one casserole, one more lap on the treadmill at a time.
Adieu with many thanks, 2011. 2012, I’m coming for you.
