Thanks Dani

Dear Dani,

Thanks for sitting on the steps with me last night and talking about life and listening while the rain was falling softly on us. I'm glad I got to vent to someone about how I was feeling about what she said and being there with him. It was all a little overwhelming with humidity breathing down my neck and my skin on fire and the beery-cigarette-stained air and so many memories racing through my sunburned brain. I'm glad we have gotten to be friends now that I am an individual and not just someone's other half. I'd like to think I'm cooler this way and you ALWAYS make me feel that way. I'm thankful to still have you as a friend in the wake of everything.

Love,

me

Rain

I am watching the rain fall through my window and it is pouring in sheets in little drops that catch the stop lights and taillights and streetlights just so that they look like little pieces of glitter trickling down to meet umbrellas and heads and cracks in the sidewalk. Rainy days in the city have a charm about them that rainy days in other places don't share. Perhaps it's the galoshes or the very varied raincoats or the people bustling together to get from point a to point b. I am glad today to be watching rather than bustling.

Thanks Elyse

Dear Elyse,

Thanks for coming to visit and subsequently spending all day at the beach, just hanging out and being silly with me. And for trying to warn me about the broken glass I cut my hand on. My life is always infinitely better when you are with me. Maybe it's silly, but spending time with you just feels like coming home. And reminds that no matter how silly I am, or how sad, or how terrible my decision making skills can be that you will always love me. Well, the feeling's mutual. I can't wait until I just have to knock on your door to drag you out to hang out with.

Love,

me

Dancing

I might be the single most awkward dancer ever but there is just no feeling better than feeling the pulse of music on a dark, crowded dance floor and shaking and spinning and shimmying all of your problems, bad moods, and cares away. Oh, and singing along at the top of your lungs, sweating and screaming and laughing with the besties. Always a win.

Thanks Cory

Dear Cory,

Thank you for having an uncanny way of knowing exactly what to say when I need someone to say it. All the time. And for youtubed showtunes and text message updates about your repressed escapades in the sunny South. I miss you every single day, but I'm glad you still love me even though you are far away. Hugs and kisses.

Love,

me

Thanks Brian and Jason

Dear Brian and Jason,

Thanks for answering your phones last night. I'm not sure how I would have gotten through the initial shock of that note without you to walk me through it, J, and I'm certain NO one else cared to hear the fallout later, Bri, but you did. Thanks for reminding me that I'm ok, that I am moving forward, and just how many people love me. Sometimes that's all you need. I love you both from the bottom of my not-so-broken-anymore heart.

Love,
me

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a process.

It does not happen in one day. Or overnight. It is a process. It is not triggered by a single event and it a battle which the good will fight to move on, to forgive, to forget, or to never forget, but to let go of all of the pain that accompanied some epic catastrophe, personal, global, familial, friendial. Whatever.

And sometimes it seems like the universe wants to remind you that sometimes you have to forgive even the people you would least like to forgive in order to become whole and step forward and move on. Scabs have to be picked and bleed so that they can heal without scars.

Forgiveness is a process. But am I ready for that process?

Thanks Mollie

Dear Mollie,

Thanks for going on a study date with me, listening to me rant, and helping me find extra articles when you probably needed to be working on your own paper. But that is just how you always roll. I think you are pretty awesome and I'm awfully glad we are friends. It was also really nice of you to let me get ready at your apartment to go out. And ditch homework to run to Target and try on shoes...I love when we have random adventures like that.

Love,

me

Thanks Man in Suit at Musical Monday

Dear Man in Suit at Musical Monday,

Thank you for providing me with your drunken entertainment during It Sucks to Be Me. I was just NOT prepared for you to put the moves on my friend, but then you totally went for it. And got shut down. Oy.

Love,
me

Thanks Kelli

Dear Kelli,





Thanks for mailing my camera. And for still speaking to me after I looked like this:

at your wedding. You are seriously the kindest, most loving, wonderful person I know. But I'm sure you already knew that. For real, I'm pretty embarassed about the aforementioned behavior and I apologize from the very very very bottom of my heart. Thanks for being amazing. I love you with my whole heart and hope that your new life as Mrs. Paul will be filled with nothing but love and happiness for the rest of your life.

Love,

me

Morning

Mmmmm...

Sometimes,

there is just nothing better

than sitting around in your pajamas on a sunny Sunday morning

before anyone else is awake

and reading or writing

and sipping some juice (even if it is in boxed form).

Enjoying the moment but looking forward to when the others awake.

Thanks Jason

Dear Jason,

Thanks for making omelettes and toasting crumpets this morning. While listening to Glee and Journey and Maroon 5 with an appropriate amount of dancing. There are a million reasons that I'm glad we happened upon each other, but today, the omelettes are my favorite. They made for a truly lovely brunchtime, followed by epic workout time. You rock my socks.

Love,
me

Things Im Glad I've Learned in the Past 6 Months or So

1.) I like my hot dogs a very specific way: ketchup, brown mustard, sweet relish.

2.) Twilight does NOT suck.

3.) Laundry for 1 takes half the time to do as laundry for 2.

4.) Running (and ellipticalling and biking and weight training and trying deperately to do bosu push ups even though I fail practically every time) brings peace. Well, maybe not peace exactly. But endorphins :) . And it wears me out to the point where I can sleep sleep sleep.

5.) Anytime is a good time to have tutu time.

6.) The people that you least expect are always the ones that surprise you the most when you find out how much they really care and will go out of their ways to make your life a better, happier, more well-adjusted place.

7.) There is no shame in loving musicals more then Jack's Mannequin. And furthermore, it is extremely possible to do both.

8.) Watching the people you love pursue their dreams is beautiful. Even when you have to let them go far, far away to do it.

9.) When choosing between walking or taking the bus, always walk. That's where all the fun stuff happens anyway.

10.) In the eternal words of someone covered by Hootie and the Blowfish, "Goodbye Doesn't Mean Forever."

11.) Sometimes the best rebound you can have is figuring out how exactly to love yourself again.

12.) My favorite drink at Starbucks is a Venti Passion Shaken Iced Tea with 4 Splenda.

13.) My favorite pizza is pepperoni, sausage, green pepper, and black olive.

14.) I LOVE crunchy peanut butter.

15.) Writing. I'm not the greatest writer in the world and I'm probably not going to write the next great American novel. Not that I can't. I'm just not really interested. But sometimes I write things that occaisionally make people laugh. Or cry. Or get interested in things. And I like to write. So I think perhaps this is something I will do more of? I would love to write about books. Or theatre. Or weddings. Or lacking love lives.

16.) When you think things can't get worse, they probably can, and will. This is not a very happy thought, but the knowledge that things NEVER stay bad forever is always hopeful. Besides, if it's meant to be, it will be in the end. If it's not meant to be, it's not the end. Or something like that, which I'm sure I read in someone's facebook quotes or something.

17.) You should never be defined wholly by someone else. Losing sight of yourself and giving up on your dreams is a pretty tragic loss. Not one for the win column.

18.) Never underestimate the power of a cuddly baby, Jamba Juice, gin and tonic, a night out, or flinging yourself on a wonderful person's couch in the cheering up process.

19.) Unexpected freedom = unexpected adventure.

20.) Sometimes, you really do just have to figure it out on your own.

Thanks Vanessa

Dear Vanessa,

The present you left on the counter by the sink in my bathroom was priceless. I love it. Almost as much as I love you. I'm really going to miss you when you move away. But I guess that's why there are letters and cell phones and blogs. And airplanes and cars. And swimsuits for beaches that we will be chilling on when I come to visit you for our entrance into mid-20dom. Thanks for being my best friend the longest.

Love,
me

Thanks Kim

Dear Kim,

You wandered into my life on the eve of a disaster, a time when I might have been ruined. But you appeared exactly when I needed someone like you the most. Someone with a big heart, bright ideas, and ears willing to listen listen listen. Books (always exactly the right book), music, pep talks, stories. Days with ice cream, movies on rainy days, unending encouragement and dance breaks to Taylor Swift in tutus. Thanks for sticking with me through it all, the tears in the back room and busting through new miles every week. And it's funny. Since you told me about how you are moving on this afternoon, I have not been able to stop thinking about how excited I am to hear about your new adventures, to hang out with you and do all of the things we always talk about doing :) Just thought you should know.

Love,
me

Thanks Belle

Dear Belle,

It's your birthday today. Thanks for providing me endless entertainment and always listening carefully to my problems when we share Goldfish. Also, thank you for making me smile when it seemed like there was nothing left to smile about. You are 6 and it probably will never occur to you how much better you have made my life in the year I've known you, but maybe someday, when you are a grown up, I will get to explain it to you over lattes or Shirley Temples or something. The moral of the story is you make me feel like a rock star and I hope that turning 6 makes you feel like a rock star :)

Love,
me

Top 10 Reasons I'm Not Very Likely to Meet the Love of My Life in the Near to Immediate Future

1.) I spent my Saturday night watching He's Just Not That Into You in my Twilight pajamas, curled up in fetal position on a gay man's couch.

2.)I spend the majority of my time listening to Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, and Selena Gomez. And most of that time, I really enjoy it.

3.) I hang out primarily with the following demographics: gay men, kindergarteners, infants, moms, and Vanessa.

4.)My most frequent pasttimes include: playing Barbies, reading aloud, pretending to be a princess, polishing little fingernails, and giving glitter stars (and hearts).

5.) I workout more than anyone I know, but NOTHING IS HAPPENING.

6.) It has been so long since I needed to feel remotely sexy undressed that I have added white Granny panties to my underwear rotation.

7.) My grad program is comprised almost entirely of older, married individuals. Oh, and gay men and the occaisional bookish spinster type.

8.) My roommate is a gorgeous, exotic looking vegan who entrances any straight male who falls into our path (or our apartment) without even trying.

9.) My best friend is a questionable looking gay man who passes for straight more often than gay. We probably look like a couple. I should make him gay himself out a little more.

10.) I am BASHFUL. I have kind of forgotten how to flirt and when any reasonably attractive straight male shows any glimmer of interest in me, I am immediately reduced to blushing and stumbling over my words like I was 16 and had never kissed a boy.